uhhhh…………………………….. im a really vain feminist. I swear I’m smart.
Yeah! The routine seems lain though it heightens brick by brick. Masonry metaphor. I’ve been cooking with Aiman regularly, studying, and more regular on social media. Today’s the first of the three days in which I live alone in the apartment, so I get to type up on my neat white desk and glance over to the bouquet of wilting roses he brought me on Friday. I don’t really care for flowers unless its a special occasion. Flowers are an important part of me feeling serene with the world aesthetically. They are developmental magic. But! They can terrorize the home with the aroma of rot until someone remembers that the damn water needs changed. I remember coming back home from Lebanon after three weeks and being appalled at my house. I panicked and poured bleach down our sink since I thought there was food residue. Nope! It was flower water. Left for almost a month. My older brother (the housekeeper for the vacation) has despicably low standards of nest hygiene.
Anyway, Aiman and I have satisfactorily stocked my kitchen. The apartment is finished, too. All that needs doing is the de-mite-ing of that ancient couch that apparently isn’t going anywhere before we are. Besides that, most everything is neat and adorned with the warm, autumn scents from melting wax contraptions. Very cozy.
We also went to the gym yesterday (finally). I have to admit that I inhibited a lot of activity since I was uncomfortable with everything. I don’t have the muscle for a lot of the basic exercises and it embarrasses me. However, I really want to build my confidence in the gym as I build my body. Goals. ha.
I really don’t enjoy the emptiness of my days without Aiman, especially since all of my classes end well before the evening. I have a lot of empty space and I get cabin fever fairly rapidly. So I get anxious, I pick fights over the phone, I binge eat, and my studying is way less productive. I’m hoping to regulate that by blogging in the meantime. What sucks worst is that I have severe social anxiety so I don’t have friends that I can go with. The people in my circle are very distant from me and our interactions are shallow and brief. I really like them all, but I don’t see them as naturally occupying the same space as me. Yikes.
A cool thing I started doing: I’m reserving veggie scraps to make vegetable broth out of. Because broth is way more expensive than it should be (2.79 a pop) and I go through a lot. So why not collect otherwise discarded pieces and recycle them? I know I like to recycle. It’s mostly just fun to collect scraps from veggies since it feels important. Reserving those mushroom stems, garlic/onion skins- I just feel that it honors the vegetable. We all should honor the vegetable.